STAR WARS
In A Faraway Galaxy in the Not-too-Distant Future...
The Evil Empire Continued Its Pursuit To Dominate The Business Of Hauling
Rubber Dog Turds From The Fragrant Harbor To All Parts Of The Civilized (And
The Not-So-Civilized) World.
And While The Band Of Men Honed Their Skills Piloting The Lighter-Than-Air
Ancient Machines, The Dark One Ingratiated Himself With The Offspring On A
Voyage To The Islands Of Hai, Who, According To Legend, Was The God-King Of
All The Islands In The Ocean Of Peace. The Dark One Told All His Believers
That He Was Traveling On The Grand Wizard's Personal Inter-Continental
Transportation Machine Which He Called His Beebeejay, To Participate In The
Ancient Game, Which The Evil One Considered Himself A Master.
The Preponderance Of The Dark One For Telling Everyone Of His
Self-Importance And Being The Confidant Of The Grand Wizard And His
Offspring, Ensured That News Of The Dark One's Voyage Reached The Alliance.
Upon Hearing This News, A Plan Was Fomented By The Alliance To Send The Dark
One A Clarion-Clear Message And Warning For His Years Of Mismanagement,
Oppression, Prejudices, Revenge And Remorseless Retribution Against Those
That Dare To Speak Differently And Voiced Their Objections To His Ideas.
Under The Electronic Gaze Of The Evil Empire's Security Forces, Members Of
The Alliance Entered The Underground Cavern Which Stored The Dark One's
Terrestrial Transportation Unit. There, Which Was Later To Be Described As A
Daring And Precisely Executed Plan, The Message SHITHEAD #1 Was Permanently
Etched In The Poly-Eurethane Epidermal Protective Coating Of The Dark One's
Terrestrial Transportation Unit.
On His Return, The Dark One Discovered This Act Of Treachery, And When The
Offspring Heard Of This News, They Asked The Dark One Why Could This Happen.
The Dark One Said That He Would Put The Full Resources Of His Security
Forces To The Task Of Finding The Perpetrator From The Band Of Men Who Came
From Foreign Lands To Fly The Evil Empire's Ancient Flying Machines. But The
Dark One Did Not Consider The Degree Of Resentment And Hostility Brooding In
The Minds Of The Natives Of The Rock, For The Dark One Was Never Considered
To Be A Lateral Thinker, And He Did Not Appreciate How Ineffective The Evil
Empire's Security Forces Were In Protection Him Against Harm From An
Insurgent; Nor Did He Consider That He Has Placed Himself, Because Of His
Actions, In Harm's Way Of The Insurgents.
Slowly The Mundane Returned To The Evil Empire And The Dark Deed Of The
Daring Was All But Forgotten As There Was Excitement At The Puzzle Palace,
For The Dark One Was Awaiting The Arrival Of His Much Talked-About New
Flying Machines. The Offspring Were Pleased With The Decision To Allocate
Vast Sums Of The Grand Wizard's Wealth To Purchase These Machines; The
Artisans In The Settlement Of Sea-At-El Were Also Pleased That A Great
Empire Was To Be The First In Their Land To Get These Machines; And The
Dark One Was The Most Pleased Of All, For The Artisans In The Settlement Of
Sea-At-El Had Diverted Some Of The Evil Empire's Wealth And Secretly
Returned It To The Dark One, For They Believed Him When He Told Them That He
Was The One Responsible For The Evil Empire's Decision To Buy These Machines
From The Artisans Of Sea-At-El.
And The Evil Empire Continued To Expand By Sending An Expedition To The
Ancient Civilization Of Manchuria, For The Grand Wizard Was Indeed A
Visionary. However, Between The Vision And The Reality Was The Shine-ing
Smile. The Expedition Was Under The Command Of The Shinig Smile Who Thought
That He Could Massage The Minds Of The Mandarins Of Manchuri And Bypass
Their Ancient Practices And Customs. The Mandarins Refused To Give The
Expedition The Necessary Documents Which Permitted Them To Fly The
Lighter-Than-Air Transportation Device Which The Evil Empire Has Sent There
Covertly In The Dark Of Night. The Expedition Returned To The Land Of The
Rock And There, They Had To Activate Their Neural Storage Facilities and
Actually Create An Effort To Obtain The Necessary Documentation From The
Mandarins, For The Shine-ing Smile, While He Had A Self-Opinion Of His Worth
In The Puzzle Palace, He Was Ineffective Against The Mandarins Of Manchuria.
To Be Continued
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